“The bible is the most misquoted book in history.” True story. Here are five hilarious scriptures, three of which are taken entirely out of context (with a proper context explained). Two scriptures aren’t ripped out of context…but they are just hilarious! Enjoy.
1. “Woe to those who rise early in the morning” Isaiah 5:11 (ESV)—I knew it! Morning people are cursed and need to watch their step (or sleep). The Context: Ok…so maybe it’s not about waking up early, but instead is about waking up early to get drunk, “Woe to those who rise early in the morning to run after strong drink.”
2. “On his thigh, he has the name written: KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS” –Revelation 19:16 (NIV). Hey, Jesus had a tattoo! Surely he won’t mind if I get a tat….too (see what I did there?). Every parent of a teenager (or every youth pastor) has heard this line a million times before. The response is obvious…just start talking about Jesus stopping by a tattoo parlor just before Armageddon. (For the record, the bible doesn’t condemn or condone tattoos, aside from a few OT passages, which ironically would also be taken out of context if they were used to support a “no-tattoo” stance.) The Context: Picture an armored man, with a suit of armor riding on a horse…his name is on his robe, you’ll know him as Jesus.
3. “It’s better out in the desert than at home with a nagging, complaining wife.”—Proverbs 21:19 (CEV). Ok, that’s not really out of context…it’s just ironic! Picture, Solomon sitting at his writing desk having just written the first 18 verses of Proverbs 21…then picture on of his 700 wives or 300 concubines nag and complain about how the yard isn’t mowed, the sink is still leaking and he never puts the toilet seat down. Nag, nag…I’m going to the desert!
4. “A loud and cheerful greeting early in the morning will be taken as a curse!” Proverbs 27:14 (NLT). In keeping with the theme of Solomon, this one isn’t really out of context either…it’s just funny. Picture him…having listened to his wife nag and complain all night, then at 5:30 the next morning crazy neighbor Johnny (or Hacmoni—Hebrew for wise man) starts gleefully singing Zipity Do Dah… cursed be that man.
5. “Too bad if you’re found running through the streets, naked…”—Revelation 16:15 (MSG) . Yeah, too bad…especially for the guy trying to have a nice family BBQ. The Context: Jesus is coming back someday, be ready.